Category Archives: TV

“Workaholics” spec

Here’s my “Workaholics” spec script that won the Sitcom Teleplay Spec category at the Austin Film Festival’s 2015 Screenplay Competition.

WORKAHOLICS – Bring Your Kid to Work Day

When a Forbes reporter shows up to write a profile on TelAmeriCorp and its families, the guys rent a kid for the day.

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20 Amazing Products “Shark Tank” Doesn’t Want The World To See

One of the first things you learn in inventing school is “Always Be Inventing.” Actually, that was the only thing I learned in inventing school, because right after our instructor told us that, he was killed by the Murdering Chalkboard™ he had just invented.

Luckily, I was in the back of the room, grabbing a cup of coffee and well outside of the Murdering Chalkboard™’s stabbing range.

My classmates weren’t so fortunate, though. Those steak knives cut through them like steak knives through half a metaphor. Within seconds, that Murdering Chalkboard™ was covered in their blood, but not before I had written down the most important lesson of that day: “Always Be Inventing.”

Twenty inventions later, I have 20 amazing products that could change this world. Probably for the better.

The only problem is that my inventing school experience was cut short before I got to learn about patents and getting Los Angeles Angels as investors and stuff.

Someone else saw that problem and invented a solution called “Shark Tank.”

Well, new problem. “Shark Tank” and its cast of investors have ignored every single one of the 20 brilliant inventions I’ve tweeted at them.

Seriously, Barbara Corcoran, how do you ignore “Astronaut Yogurt?” 

Mark Cuban may be a billionaire, but it’s obvious he doesn’t recognize billion dollar ideas like my “J’accuzi” hot tub for district attorneys.

The world needs these products, which is why I’m officially cutting out “Shark Tank” as the middle-man and giving them straight to the people.

“New Girl” spec

Here’s a pretty great “New Girl” spec I wrote.

NEW GIRL – The Perfect Schmidt

A medical study transforms Schmidt. Nick boycotts the imperial system of measurement and makes a bet with Winston. Jess has trouble ghostwriting a children’s book.

Ian McKellen on “acting”

If you haven’t watched Ricky Gervais’ Extras, shame on you. Here’s just one of the great clips from the show.

The single greatest moment in the history of television

My hatred for Joan Rivers and her evil spawn Melissa runs as deep as the scars from their elective plastic surgeries. So, when I watched this week’s Celebrity Apprentice, the ending was like a gift from the god in which I don’t believe.

Get ready for the single greatest moment in the history of television.

The hobble-run at 1:28 is my favorite.