Category Archives: Religion

The 20 Names of God, by Memory

  1. Jehovah
  2. Elohim
  3. Adonai
  4. Engelbert Humperdinck
  5. Ferrero Rocher
  6. S1mone
  7. Keyser Soze
  9. prince
  10. B1
  11. Mork
  12. The Englishman who went up a hill, but came down a mountain
  13. Papaw
  14. Chumbawamba
  15. Wells Fargo
  16. Richard Dawkins
  17. Mr. Bojangles
  18. Fargo, ND
  19. Microsoft Word
  20. Albert

Maybe this is why priests keep fucking little boys…

Let me get your best cut of Jesus, with a side salad

One of my stand-up students last night was talking about communion and eating the body of Christ and asked, “What part of Jesus is this?”

It made me think of the cow diagram that explains where different steaks come from:


But where’s our Jesus diagram?  How can we consume the best part of our Lord if we don’t even know where it is?  Allow me to introduce the Cuts of Jesus diagram:

Feel free to print this out and carry it with you to the next Lord’s Supper.  Just don’t forget your can of spray cheese!