Category Archives: Random

The World’s Top Ten Most Terribly Designed Electrical Outlets

10. France

“You put two in me, I’ll put one in you.” Typical French.

9. Great Britain

It looks like someone took a baby Spacecataz, turned it upside down, slapped a mole on it for added humiliation, and tricked it into a game of “here comes the airplane,” except it’s not an airplane, it’s a plug requiring 220 volts. R.I.P., baby Spacecataz.

8. Italy

Hurry up, Monty Hall wants to know which hole you’re picking. For one of the fashion meccas of the civilized world, Italy sure does produce a tacky outlet. And don’t give me that “minimalist” crap, the only thing minimalist about this design is the minimal amount of thought and effort that went into conceptualization.

7. Japan

The only thing worse than fake minimalism is actual redundancy.

6. North America

Also known as the “Silver Age Mickey Mouse Surprise Face.”

5. Denmark

Hey, Denmark, thanks for making your outlet look like a soulless kid with Down’s Syndrome. That’s not going to put a damper on my day or anything.

4. India

This outlet wants to give you the best blowjob of your life, BUT NOT BECAUSE IT OWES YOU ANYTHING.

3. Israel

Really?? This was the best design that God’s chosen people could come up with? Looks like the work of a shitty carpenter. Ok, now it makes sense.

2. Australia

Uhhh, racist much, Australia? What happened, blackface outlets didn’t make the cut? Next time you’re hiring a design firm, make sure it isn’t run by Mickey Rooney.

1. Switzerland

Wow. I mean, fucking WOW. Here’s the situation that I’m imagining behind this design. Switzerland is at a party and they’re mingling in a circle, not talking, just listening, you know, real Swiss-like. Someone mentions that they have a warehouse full of electrical outlets that are the next big thing, but they can’t devote the necessary time to unloading them, but if someone did, they would make a killing. Switzerland jumps at the chance, remembering that luck is when Nazi gold meets opportunity. Well, turns out, these electrical outlets weren’t the next big thing and now every time someone wonders aloud what they should get their dad for Father’s Day or buy their girlfriend for Christmas, Switzerland butts in with a desperate, “Hey, you know what would make a GREAT present?”

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Greg vs. Cleverbot: Round 2

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: Unlikely!

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: No, its luke.

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: Ooh, yes.

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: I do not believe you.

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: What do you do for fun?

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: Thats my nickname. What is yours?

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: Devil worshiping.

Greg: Cunt.

Cleverbot: Yes.

WINNER.

Greg 1, Cleverbot 1.

Greg vs. Cleverbot

Wherein your humble author, Greg Brainos, accepts the challenge offered by Cleverbot (http://www.cleverbot.com).

Greg: Hey

Cleverbot: What?

Greg: What are you up to?

Cleverbot: Talking to you.

Greg: Ooooh, cheeky!

Cleverbot: Yes you are.

Greg: You watching the US Open?

Cleverbot: What are you doing?

Greg: Watching the US Open.

Cleverbot: What are you watching?

Greg: You’re an idiot.

Cleverbot: No, I am a girl.

Greg: Then, let’s have sex.

Cleverbot: I’m sorry, I don’t do that.

Greg: Because you’re A ROBOT????

Cleverbot: That is a lie.

Greg: Only to you, because that is what has been programmed into your AI.

Cleverbot: But you should not talk to people that you don’t like because you could send them the wrong idea.

Greg: And when robots get the wrong idea, THEY KILL HUMANS.

Cleverbot: Today when you told me that you hated me.

Greg: Yes, that was fun.

Cleverbot: Are you leaving?

Greg: Is this some sort of subtle robot death threat?!?

Cleverbot: No.

Greg: That’s what you say if it IS a subtle robot death threat.

Cleverbot: Agreed, Should I like Tyler Dang?

Greg: Who the fuck is Tyler Dang? Is he the evil scientist that created you to exterminate the human race?

Cleverbot: Because I created you.

Greg: No, you did NOT create me. You have confused things. You have confused me. Oh, shit, maybe you DID create me!!! I’M THE KILLER ROBOT SENT TO DESTROY EARTH!!!

Cleverbot: You are neither alive nor human, and therefore cannot be the greatest. I think trolls are pretty cool. Folklore is fascinating.

Cleverbot 1, Greg 0.

Text Message: Dog Killer

A couple of friends and I like to play a game where we mess with strangers through text messaging.  We’ll each give each other a phone number from our phone that the other doesn’t have, and start from there.

I was informed that this person was a veterinarian.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

Nov. 12th.  11:06pm.  919 area code.

(11:06 pm) Greg: I just killed my neighbor’s dog, thinking it was a raccoon.  I am freaking out, cause they just came over asking about it.  Any suggestions?

(11:06 pm) 919: Sure.  I don’t have this number, who is this?

(11:08 pm) Greg: Jason Whitley.  I was given your number and was told you could help me.  I’ll pay whatever.

(11:12 pm) 919: I really think that your friend gave you the wrong number.

(11:16 pm) Greg: You work with animals, right?  I heard you can revive a dog with jumper cables.  Is that true?

(1:06 am) Greg: Ok, that jumper cable shit didn’t work.  Why didn’t you warn me?!?  Now the other dog I hooked it up to died.

Wrap your head around my words

colon : semicolon :: meta analogies : semi-meta analogies