For sale: Hemingway’s shotgun, used once

What a delicious sample of @gregbrainos tweets

Bigfoot hunting is good work if you can find it.

The listed definition of the word “subtle” should be: “The sound that the letter ‘b’ makes in the word ‘subtle.'”

Trying to trademark the copyright symbol so I can own everything.

The easiest way to make a girl weak in the knees is to just deprive her of milk and all other sources of calcium.

The child from “The Emperor’s New Clothes” is a classic example of snitches not getting stitches.

“Why are the good ones always taken?” — Columbia’s most eligible bachelor and third-best kidnapper

I think something has paralyzed my upper body, but I can’t put my finger on it.

You know what would have been a terrible business decision, but an amazing act? If Warner Bros. had only produced one DVD of ‘Pay It Forward.’

When you live longer than expected, that’s a refund on all the hours you spent figuring out whether a shirt is black or dark blue.

Juan is the loneliest number. Very few Latino anesthesiologists.

Fireplaces built specifically for burning Bibles are a Nietzsche market.

“Yo, girl, lemme give you your phone number.” – Alexander Graham Bell picking up girls in a bar

Climate change: this is why we can’t have ice things.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s