What a delicious sample of @gregbrainos tweets
Bigfoot hunting is good work if you can find it.
The listed definition of the word “subtle” should be: “The sound that the letter ‘b’ makes in the word ‘subtle.'”
Trying to trademark the copyright symbol so I can own everything.
The easiest way to make a girl weak in the knees is to just deprive her of milk and all other sources of calcium.
The child from “The Emperor’s New Clothes” is a classic example of snitches not getting stitches.
“Why are the good ones always taken?” — Columbia’s most eligible bachelor and third-best kidnapper
I think something has paralyzed my upper body, but I can’t put my finger on it.
You know what would have been a terrible business decision, but an amazing act? If Warner Bros. had only produced one DVD of ‘Pay It Forward.’
When you live longer than expected, that’s a refund on all the hours you spent figuring out whether a shirt is black or dark blue.
Juan is the loneliest number. Very few Latino anesthesiologists.
Fireplaces built specifically for burning Bibles are a Nietzsche market.
“Yo, girl, lemme give you your phone number.” – Alexander Graham Bell picking up girls in a bar
Climate change: this is why we can’t have ice things.