Monologue jokes for October Talk Show

A new book by Barack Obama’s presidential campaign manager revealed that Hillary Clinton was passed over for Vice President because Obama’s people thought Bill Clinton would be too controlling.  This marks the first time in 15 years that Bill has screwed Hillary.

A recent study found that West Virginia is the most sleepless state in the U.S.  The main reason for this, researchers said, is that the majority of West Virginians have trouble counting past that third sheep.

The British government just announced that children as young as nine-years-old will start to receive career counseling in all British primary schools.  In a related story, Skeet Ulrich has enrolled himself into a British primary school.

Iraqi refugees in Syria will start receiving text messages from the United Nations that they can redeem for food in local shops.  When it was pointed out that most of the refugees don’t own cell phones, a U.N. representative replied, “OMFG, brb.”

Video game giant Nintendo reported a huge plummet in sales that has stockholders worried.  It’s gotten so bad that the company is smashing all the bricks in its headquarters to see if they can find some coins.

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