New Mottos for the City of Detroit

Some of you are already aware that I’ve been contracted by the city of Detroit to come up with a new motto that “re-introduces the world to Detroit, while preserving its rich history.”

Here’s what I have so far:

“Detroit: Only 489 miles from New York City!”

“Detroit: we’ll let you get away with pretty much anything for at least 8 years, just ask Matt Millen or Jack Kevorkian.”

“Detroit: for when you want to experience Cleveland, but just the bad parts.”

“Detroit: No, fuck YOU.”

“Detroit: statistically speaking, you might not get raped here.”

“Detroit: We paid Randy Newman $80 million to compose a song about us, then he ran away and spent it all on waffles.”

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