The 15 Saddest Ways to Express a Suicide Note

15. Spelled out in pepperoni on the pizza served at your child’s 5th birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.

14. As a clue on Wheel of Fortune.

13. As the first 38 words discovered in a game of Boggle.

12. Lit up in the lights on the Rockefeller Christmas tree.

11. Spelled out by the leather and metal shavings left behind by a Cutco representative.

10. Whispered by Bill Murray, into the ear of Scarlett Johansson, at the end of Lost in Translation.

9. As successive words at the National Spelling Bee.

8. On the EKG of your high school sweetheart.

7. Minted on a U.S. state quarter.

6. Read by your ex-girlfriend at a poetry slam.

5. Written in the guestbook at a friend’s funeral.

4. Blasted from the boombox in Say Anything.

3. Tapped out in morse code from the hand of a rape victim.

2. On the back of the sonogram of your miracle child.

1. On the back of another suicide note.

(#14 and #7 are courtesy of Ted Hobgood, #5 comes from PT Scarborough, and #’s 15, 6, 4, and 1 are the brain children of the great Joseph Stanton)


2 responses to “The 15 Saddest Ways to Express a Suicide Note

  1. We are bad people.

  2. You just wrote mine for me.

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