Act of Congress Forces Man to Do the Dishes

Rockville, MD — A Maryland textile plant supervisor was the subject of Congressional legislature on Monday, when the Senate and House of Representatives voted overwhelmingly that Robert Jennings “be a decent human being by helping his loving wife with the dishes.”

Lisa Compelli, Jennings’ wife,  began a grassroots lobbying campaign more than a year ago, when it became clear to her that her husband of 17 years would never willingly help with household chores.

“I said to him one night that it would take an act of Congress to get him to wash the dishes,” recalls Compelli.  “He said, ‘Yup.’  Actually, he kind of burped it.”

After her own state Senator Benjamin Cardin refused to return any of her telephone calls in regard to the matter, Compelli found a friend in New Hampshire Senator Jeanne Shaheen.

“I was more than happy to take up her cause,” said Shaheen.  “Baseball had run out of affairs in which we could meddle, and Congress is pretty bored by this whole health care thing, so this was a movement we could all get behind.  I believe the landslide vote in Ms. Compelli’s favor will send a strong message to all husbands that ‘bringing home the bacon’ isn’t enough anymore and they should help wash the bacon grease left on the plates.”

The binding order also stipulated that Jennings “take out the trash every now and then.”

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