Recent monologue jokes

Here are the best monologue jokes (that I can remember) from May and June’s “The Talk Show with @gregbrainos and @josephstanton:”

MAY

President Barack Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayer to the Supreme Court this week.  Justice Clarence Thomas said that while he disagrees with the decision, he still can’t wait to sexually harass her.

Mel Gibson and his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva announced that they are expecting a baby.  Gibson said he doesn’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not Jewish.

JUNE

Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton was punched in the face by musician will.i.am’s manager this week, after which Perez posted an online video stating, “Violence is NEVER the answer.”  He then went back to his regular job of photo-shopping Kate Moss being impaled by a giant sword-cock made of cocaine.

Animal activist group PETA publicly scolded President Barack Obama for swatting a fly during a live news conference.  Obama apologized, saying, “I’m sorry, I thought it was just Dennis Kucinich.”

The U.S. government issued, for the first time, an official apology for slavery, but said it will not pay reparations.  They are, however, willing to refund any blacks that went to see Transformers 2 this weekend.

South Carolina governor Mark Sanford went missing for seven days and, it turns out, he was flying to meet his mistress in Argentina.  This is now the farthest anyone has ever flown to ruin their career since Amelia Earhart.

(all jokes written by Greg Brainos)

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