I’m liveblogging the Nuggets/Lakers playoff game, mainly just posting my father’s running commentary. He’s French, he likes the Lakers and he really wants them to win. Expect gems like, “What are thees eediots doing?” and, “Shoot the ball, eediot!” I’ll post his words in red.
He doesn’t know I’m posting this. He just “signed up for the internet” last week.
9:09pm – Foul on Denver, but this information has yet to disseminate to my father. “Oop, what happened?”
9:10pm – Chauncy Billups hits a shot to make it 2-0, Denver. “I don’t like that.”
9:16pm – Third foul on Dahntay Jones. “Three fouls on Denver?”
9:17pm – Fourth foul on Dahntay Jones as Kobe scores, and one. “They out at six [fouls]?” (LAL 13, DEN 12)
9:22pm – Andrew Bynum misses an easy 4-footer for the Lakers. “Ahhhhh, that’s bool-shit.”
9:25pm – LA’s Trevor Ariza makes a circus shot and gets fouled. “There it is.”(LAL 20, DEN 14)
9:30pm – ESPN shows Tom Cruise sitting courtside, enraging my dad for some reason. “Like he cares about bahsketball. Hees PR manager *mumble*.”
9:34pm – Denver nails another three to keep it close. “Guard theez guyz making three-pointers. Make me seeck.” (LAL 29, DEN 23)
9:48pm – Bynum gets an easy dunk, thanks to Jordan Farmar. “Keep thee presh-ure.” (LAL 37, DEN 26)
9:49pm – Another uncontested basket for the Lakers. “Oh, they gonna cream ’em.” (LAL 41, DEN 27)
10:02pm – Carmelo Anthony draws a foul from Kobe Bryant. “That guy’s a lot heavier than Bryant.” (He’s probably talking about physical baggage, but it could also be emotional.)
10:11pm – Nuggets on an 11-0 run, with a free-throw pending. “Gonna be a one-point game, can you believe that shit?” (LAL 53, DEN 51)
10:13pm – After leading by as much as 14 points, the Lakers only lead by one at the half. “They better shape up, huh?” (LAL 55, DEN 54)
10:20pm – Watching the Toyota Halftime Show. Out of the four hosts, the one with AIDS looks the best. My dad’s eating a sandwich. Whenever he eats a sandwich at halftime, the Lakers win.
10:31pm – I just ate four butter sandwiches and a single jellybean (strawberry). I’m a cheap date, ladies.
10:34pm – Start of the 2nd half and Trevor Ariza gets leveled going strong to the basket. Fouled hard, so he can’t really be expected to make the shot, can he? “Hee meeses. What a freeking eediot.”
10:36pm – ‘Melo makes yet another shot for Denver. *raises arms in frustration* (LAL 59, DEN 58)
10:43pm – Ariza puts the Lakers back on top with a phenomenal dunk. “Eetz time to move now, ok?” (LAL 66, DEN 64)
10:47pm – We can’t agree on the identity of the whitebeard sitting next to Jack Nicholson. My dad says it’s Donald Sutherland. I say it’s a homeless man that has compromising pictures of Jack.
11:05pm – Heading into the 4th quarter. Where you at, Black Mamba? (LAL 81, DEN 80)
11:10pm – Kobe charges in and picks up his fourth foul. “I don’t care for Kobe Bryant, anyway.” (LAL 82, DEN 80)
11:11pm – “Why is Kobe Bryant on the bench?” (LAL 82, DEN 82)
11:21pm – Shannon Brown hits a clutch three-pointer to get the Lakers within a point. “Ah, yeah.” (LAL 90, DEN 91)
11:28pm – Shannon Brown drives into the lane and gets fouled. “He’s good luck.” (LAL 92, DEN 91)
11:28pm – Shannon Brown misses his first free-throw. (LAL 92, DEN 91)
11:33pm – LA’s Pau Gasol misses both free-throws. “Whaaat an eediot.” (LAL 95, DEN 95)
11:43pm – Lakers down by two. “Lakers need a three.” (LAL 101, DEN 103)
11:54pm – Denver wins, 106-103. No more halftime sandwiches.