Abe Lincoln: Employee of the Month or Douchebag?

It’s very early in our education that Americans learn the stories of “Honest Abe,” the*cough*teenth President of the United States. Certainly, the most famous of these tales and the one that earned Abe his nickname is the story about Offutt’s General Store employee Abe Lincoln walking three miles to return six cents to a woman he had accidentally overcharged.

That wasn’t the extent of Abe’s honesty, though. Lincoln made another six-mile trek to return six and a quarter cents he had overcharged yet another woman.

Think he might have subconsciously been giving women “the business” in a business sense because he was sexist? Think again, Poncho. Ol’ scruffy beard took four cents too much from a gentleman and, when realizing the error, closed the store early and walked four miles to return the difference.

On another occasion, Lincoln neglected to notice a four-ounce weight on a scale while he was weighing some tea, and ended up walking several miles to correct his error.

So, yeah, “Honest Abe” is one name you could give him. You could also be correct in calling him “That douchebag down at the general store that always overcharges you, then shows up at your house hours later, banging on the door and waking your 19 kids.”

Let us be the honest ones right now – Abe liked taking walks on company time, so he was careless in his cashier duties as a means to an end. This moron closed the store early to return four cents. What about all the customers that showed up to Offutt’s General Store to find it prematurely closed? That’s more than four cents worth of business and trust. I’m not going to say he had it coming to him, but…

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