Presenting the 1st Annual Free Dinner Horse Race

The field is finally set for the 1st Annual Free Dinner Horse Race and it is STACKED. Here are the horses, their odds to win, and a quick summary.

1- UNICORN BARBIE 3/1
Easily the most talented horse in this race, but can it keep its focus?
2- SILVER 4/1
The Lone Ranger’s trusty steed is the most consistent runner of the field.
3- MY LITTLE PONY 5/1
The early favorite is quickly turning into a longshot after losing her brush on Friday.
4- JOAN RIVERS 6/1
This evil horse-face will do ANYTHING to win.
5- MELISSA RIVERS 8/1
Cunt.
6- MR. ED 10/1
Everyone’s favorite talking horse has been more than disappointing in practice runs.
7- BABE 12/1
This pig LOVES to enter competitions in which it doesn’t belong! But will that do?
8- DREAMER 16/1
An appropriate name for this longshot ridden by first-time jockey Dakota Fanning.

Here’s how this will work: everyone gets $100 in virtual cash (you’re welcome). Bet however you’d like; you can put it all on one horse to win, you can spread it out over several horses, you can box a trifecta (top three horses) for a whopping payday, however you want to bet it.

The race will be virtually simulated the evening of Sunday, May 3rd, around 7pm EST. I will record the race and post the video here on the site so you can see your horse(s) win or perform in such a manner that will lead to their slaughter.

I will buy dinner for the person that wins the greatest amount of money. If you live far away, I will mail you a gift card and you can call me on the phone as you’re eating your celebratory dinner.

Send me your picks in whatever form you’d like. E-mail me, Twitter DM me, Facebook message me, drive to my house and throw a rock through my window with your picks attached me, etc.

This is going to be fun! HORSIES!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!

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11 responses to “Presenting the 1st Annual Free Dinner Horse Race

  1. I’m putting all $100 virtual dollars on Joan Rivers – in the short term sheer evil always wins.

  2. The bold Andrew H. making his picks public!!

  3. $80 on Babe, that pig is dynamite!

    $20 on Silver because I hear he likes to get his prostitutes stoned (high ho!).

  4. Wait, wait. We’re not supposed to bet publicly? Boo!

  5. My bet is in all out in the open $100 on Dreamer. Deal with it!

  6. $33 on Joan to Win.

    $33 on Melissa to Place because Joan brings that that bitch everywhere she goes.

    $33 on Dream to Show because its probably the only way Ill ever get Joan, Melissa and Dakota Fanning in a threesome.

    $1 for your trouble.

  7. $100 on My Little Pony. She’s the Bill Lambier of equine toys.

  8. 100 on Unicorn Barbie!

  9. I’ve got $50 on My Little Pony, $30 on Silver, and $20 on Mr. Ed. C’mon babies, Daddy needs to eat!

  10. Katie Shut-rump

    $100 on the cunt! (Melissa Rivers)

  11. The betting windows are closed! The race is about to start and the video and recap will be up soon!

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