A quick and basic guide to Craps

Wedding season is gearing up, which means it’s time for awful choices in bridesmaid’s dresses and dude trips to Vegas.

The bridesmaid’s dresses part, I can’t help you with.  It’s your day to be beautiful, so you’re going to stick all those skinny bitches in a shiny green 8-layer McCall’s dress with asymmetrical shoulder flair.  But, for you fellas, I’m about to give you the key to the Bellagio’s vault when I explain the unexplainable – how to win and how not to not win at Craps.



The only thing you need to remember when you’re playing Craps is that no one knows what the hell is going on – not even the casino employees.

Here’s what happens when you “shoot” Craps: after you throw the dice, everyone looks at the stickman because they mistakenly think he knows the rules.  If no one says anything, the stickman will shout, “Aww!  Too bad!” and shovel in the chips.  This happens 98% of the time.  What you want to do is throw the dice, immediately shout, “Yeah!” and jump up and down while pumping your fist.  This will excite the rest of the table and they will join in your celebration.  The stickman will notice your group celebration and think, “Hmm, I guess he won!” and the base dealers will take a handful of whatever chips they think are the prettiest and start handing them out to everyone at the table, even to the people that didn’t place bets.

VEGAS, baby!


One response to “A quick and basic guide to Craps

  1. Nice advice! Thanks!

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